At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
