I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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