So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize