Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
