i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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