Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
