Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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