i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
