Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's just like the Real World with babies
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
