now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
