my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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