How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's just like the Real World with babies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
