I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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