Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
