Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
