A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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