There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
