I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
