It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Someone shit on the floor
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
