so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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