You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
