I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
