I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
