I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
