Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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