I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
