Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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