Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
