Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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