i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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