i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
pray to the hookup gods
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
