I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
