Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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