yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
