Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize