he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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