Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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