so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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