Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she told me i tasted like america
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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