She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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