giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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