I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
