Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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