So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
