well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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