today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
