Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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