I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My pussy is not your playground.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
