Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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