literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You took a bar mat shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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