Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
