"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
