Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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