We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
