4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
