i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
