booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this hospital has no fireball
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
