If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
