if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Terrible idea I love it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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