Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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