So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
