Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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