oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
