You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
