I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
