I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
