just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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