last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
