Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
