Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
