I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
