Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
