$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The air was thick with penises
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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