How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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