I wish I could punch you in the face.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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