Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
